


A Night to Remember, A Night to Forget

by Catw00man



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Compliant, Community: springkink, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-21 19:13:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/601155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s an anniversary they all dread but can one night change a day forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night to Remember, A Night to Forget

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually the first FMA fic I ever wrote and probably one of the most unlikely. It was definitely a story where the muses took control with an ending even I didn't expect! What can I say, they won me over. 
> 
> Fill for the [springkink](http://springkink.livejournal.com) prompt: _Roy/Riza/Gracia: Comfort: The nights are long and cold without you here._

Roy picks up the bottle of whiskey and carefully refills his glass. The amber liquid slides over the ice and he hears them clink and shift against each other. He sets the bottle down on the small side table then reaches for his glass. His hand’s still steady, but he knows before the night is over that won’t be the case. He swirls the melting ice around in the glass then brings it to his lips. He doesn’t usually drink like this, but today is like no other and as far as he’s concerned all the regular rules don’t apply. He really does hate this day the most.

He swallows down the alcohol and the familiar burn makes it’s way down his throat. Part of him wishes the burn was sharper, more painful. It’d be more desirable than the constant low ache deep inside. He wishes he could sear it out, but he knows it doesn’t work that way. He has to deal with this, but he doesn’t know how. To be honest, he doesn’t think he ever will. Roy slouches down in the arm chair and sighs softly as he closes his eyes. “Damn you, Hughes. How could you get yourself killed.”

There’s a part of him that wants to blame him no matter how irrational it is. Hughes should’ve been able to take care of himself. He always did before. He knew what his limits were. Maes was no alchemist and he was always smart enough to make sure he didn’t put himself in a no win situation. He was the smartest person Roy ever knew. So how the hell did he end up dead in a phone booth? He had too much to live for. He never should’ve been so damn careless.

Roy lets out a long sigh and tightens his hand around the glass resting on his thigh. It’s been two long years since the day he got that call but somehow the wound is still fresh. He thought once he had his revenge the ache would lessen, but it was only a temporary balm to his heart. Hughes is still gone and it doesn’t matter if he visited unimaginable pain on his killer, it didn’t bring him back. Nothing will and he knows that, even though thoughts of human transmutation still spin in his mind as an almost irresistible temptation. He might even get drunk enough to draw out the arrays to make it happen, but he’ll never use them. It’s just one more avenue of denial he’ll lose himself in for a little while. Hughes is gone and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that fact.

He lifts his hand to bring the glass to his lips again when he hears a soft knock. He opens his eyes to the silence of his library and frowns. Was he hearing things? It wouldn’t be the first time. How many times has he imagined him showing up at his door with that insufferable smug look on his face ready to impart some bit of knowledge on something Roy over looked. He always had his back in more ways than Roy ever knew. He would show up, invite himself in and “entertain” Roy with the latest barrage of pictures and stories about his little girl before he ever got to the damn point. Roy runs his thumb up and down the cool glass and sighs. What he’d give to hear one more story about his little Elysia.

The knock sounds again and that’s when he realizes it wasn’t his imagination after all. His eyes turn toward the hallway and he considers ignoring it. He left strict instructions he wasn’t to be bothered tonight, but that’s all the more reason he should answer it. He grimaces and sets his glass aside. He uses the arms of the chair to push himself to his feet and he’s already a little unsteady. Hopefully whatever needs his attention isn’t too vitally important because they won’t be getting much help from him tonight. He reaches up to run a hand through his messy spikes then grabs his military coat from the back of the chair. His shirt’s untucked and unbuttoned but at least he can pretend to look like the Brigadier General he’s only recently become. He slips into the coat and shuffles to the front door as the soft knock comes again.

He reaches the door and takes a deep breath, attempting to pull himself together. He knows it’s a lost cause but pretenses are really all he has. However he is a master at playing the game and he does manage to do a few of the buttons on his shirt. He opens the door and for a moment he stares blankly because the scene before him makes no sense at all. Why on earth would Hawkeye and Gracia be at his door at this hour?

Gracia’s looking down and there’s no question she’s been crying tonight, but why wouldn’t she. He’s felt like crying himself, it’s why he turned to the bottle. But why is she here? And why is Hawkeye here with her hair down wearing civilian clothes? Did something happen? She has her hand on Gracia’s back like she’s trying to comfort her and before he can ask what’s going on she turns her head to look at him. Her amber colored eyes are laced with sadness and a tendril of fear winds its way around his heart. Has something else happened? Is Elysia alright?

“Can we come in, General?” Her voice snaps him out of his worry and he moves to the side. He invites them in with a sweep of his hand and Hawkeye leads Gracia through the door. She guides her into his library and he follows after them, lingering in the doorway as they sit on the couch. He doesn’t know what’s going on but he’s afraid to ask. The words are frozen on his tongue as if speaking them might be the thing that makes the tragedy that brought them here become real. He can’t deal with anymore pain tonight, but there’s no way he could possibly turn her away. She was _his_ entire world and Roy will so anything to make sure she’s taken care of.

Hawkeye leans closer to tell her something but he can’t make out the words. Gracia nods and Hawkeye runs her hand down her back again. Roy tries to be patient, tries to let them take their time, but the not knowing eats at him and finally he can’t hold his tongue any longer. “Lieutenant? Has something happened?”

Hawkeye turns her gaze on him then looks back at Gracia and squeezes her hand. She waits another moment then she stands and turns to face him. “Could I have a word with you, General?”

He nods because he sees no other option and he follows her out of the library into the entryway. Something’s off about the whole situation and he can’t quite put his finger on it. Hawkeye turns to face him near the front door with her eyes lowered, hands clasped in front of her and that’s when he sees it. It’s in her stance, in the way she’s sticking to formality when she doesn’t need to and how she’s just the slightest bit unsteady. He doubts anyone else would notice, but he’s known her much too long to miss it. She’s been drinking and that’s something she rarely does alone. “Hawkeye, what’s going on?”

She raises her head and he relaxes the slightest bit when she drops all pretenses. She’s acting like she’s crossing all kinds of lines by being here and he’s not sure why. It’s not like she’s never been in his house before. His entire unit has on certain occasions, but she’s acting like she’s walking around on eggshells. She squeezes her hands together and breathes deep before she speaks. “I ran into Gracia downtown. We started talking….”

And drinking no doubt. He understands why that might be the case tonight, but it doesn’t explain why they’re here. He can tell Hawkeye’s uncomfortable and he can’t shake the feeling something else is wrong. What aren’t they telling him? “Is it Elysia? Is she alright?”

Hawkeye’s looks at him in confusion but then her eyes widen. She shakes her head quickly. “No, no, she’s fine. She’s with a sitter tonight.” Hawkeye sighs softly and looks down. “She doesn’t really understand what today is and Gracia didn’t want to have to explain. She just needed to get out of the house.”

It makes sense. Elysia wouldn’t have any idea today’s the anniversary of her father’s death and there’s no reason to tell her. It’s bad enough she lost her daddy, she doesn’t need to watch the adults in her life fall apart. But that still doesn’t explain why Hawkeye and Gracia are _here_. “I can understand that, Lieutenant, but why did you bring her here?”

Hawkeye shifts on her feet and Roy can’t remember a time he’s ever seen her act this way. She’s always been completely forthright, always stating her mind without hesitation but right now she seems almost…shy? It makes no sense. What has her so damn hesitant? He’s about to ask her again when she finally looks up to meet his eyes. “You know what day it is.” Roy nods. How could he not? He informed his whole command he wanted to be alone tonight so why is she even asking? Hawkeye takes another breath and wrings her hands together. “Gracia and I were talking and, well, it’s no secret you have a certain way of making women ‘feel better.’”

Roy stares blankly for a moment because he honestly has no idea what she’s talking about. But then he notices how Hawkeye won’t completely meet his eyes and he sees the barest hint of a flush on her cheeks that he’s sure isn’t from the alcohol. His eyes go wide and he takes a step back, shaking his head. “What? No, you have to be kidding.” Hawkeye finally stares him in the eyes and he can see there’s no amusement on her face. He knows that look. She’s completely serious. “Riza, she’s his _wife_. I can’t, I can’t possibly. _Why_ would you even think I could?”

“Roy, you don’t understand—.”

“You’re damn right I don’t understand.” Hawkeye takes a step toward him and he backs away as if her nearness could somehow make this happen. Why on earth would Hawkeye of all people try to put him in a position like this? It’s not like her at all, alcohol or not. There’s no way he could possibly imagine ever being with Gracia like _that_. Hawkeye has to know that. There’s no way he could _ever_ betray Hughes, not like that. No way.

“She’s alone and hurting, Roy. You can help. I know you can.” Roy shakes his head and pulls back from her again. Right now he feels like bolting out the door and down to the closest bar he can find to drink until the alcohol takes away the memory of this night altogether. But Hawkeye must be reading his mind because she’s effectively blocking the front door. There’s deep sadness in her eyes but he doesn’t care. She’s asking the impossible. It wouldn’t be right. It just wouldn’t be right.

“I’m sorry, Hawkeye. You two can stay if you like, but I can’t be a part of this.” He tries to step around her to get to the door but she blocks his path again. He reaches out and puts his hands on her arms to move her out of the way. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Roy….”

The soft voice behind him freezes him in place and he closes his eyes. She didn’t need to hear all this. She can’t possibly know why Riza brought her here. She wouldn’t want to be a part of this. He winces as guilt flows through him, the discussion alone making him feel culpable. He turns around slowly and swallows hard as he sees the deep-seated pain in her eyes. She doesn’t deserve this. None of them do but least of all her. “I’m sorry,” he whispers softly and drops his eyes, unwilling to see the accusation on her face.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He shakes his head because it’s not true. The fact they’re even here is wrong and he knows it. He hears her step closer but he won’t look. He can’t. “I’m here because I want to be here, Roy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

His head snaps up because she can’t know what she’s saying. He doesn’t know what Hawkeye told her but she can’t be thinking clearly. Tonight of all nights is not the time for this and with one look at her he feels even guiltier than before. He was here drowning in his own misery and what right does he have? Hughes was a friend, and the loss of him still tears him up inside, but it can’t begin to hold a candle to what she must be going through. He was her husband, the father of her child, and no matter the pain he feel it has to be ten times worse for her. How can he be so pathetic? The thought of her hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“He really loved you, Roy.” He swallows hard and he should make her stop. He doesn’t need her comfort. She should be taking care of Elysia not dealing with his pathetic self pitying ass. He shakes his head but then gasps when her hand rests on his arm. “He was always so concerned about you finding happiness. I always told him not to push. But he wanted you to be as happy as he was.” Roy nods slowly and hangs his head because he remembers it all. How many times did Maes ride him about settling down and finding a woman to make him happy? He always thought he was naive and too idealistic for his own good, but he’ll be damned if he wasn’t right. The proof of it is right in front of him. Hughes was always right in so many ways.

“I know,” he whispers softly and curses himself for the way his voice cracks. He should be the strong one, not her. Where ever Maes is he has to be shaking his head at how pitiful his friend is now. “You were both always so good to me.” And what has Roy done to repay that kindness? He’s not sure when the last time was he came by to even say hi. Now he’s about to be transferred East and he won’t even have the chance anymore. He really is such an ass.

“I want to ask you a favor tonight and I know I don’t have the right.” Roy raises his eyes and the look on her face breaks his heart all over again. She shouldn’t have to ask for anything, least of all tonight. He nods because he doesn’t trust himself to answer. She stares back at him and it feels like the entire world goes still. It’s so quiet he can hear the clock ticking down the eternity of the moment from the other room. His mouth goes dry the instant before she speaks and he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. “For a little while, just…a little while,” she pauses and Roy can’t even take a breath. “I need to forget.”

She can’t mean what she’s saying. Of all nights how could she possibly want to forget him now. He can’t forget. That’s why he was drinking himself unconscious before she arrived, going over each and every memory of all the years he knew him. He needed to remember. But one look at the deep sadness and desperation in her eyes and he suddenly understands. Roy would have drunk the night away remembering Maes, but come the next morning after a couple aspirin and a hot shower he would’ve forgotten again. He would’ve gotten on with his transfer and gone on with his life the same way he has for the past two years. 

But she can’t do that.

She has to live with his loss each and every day, every time she looks at Elysia. She has to live in their house and face all the shattered dreams of the life they were meant to have together. There is no escaping it for her, not when she has his beautiful little girl still asking some days if Daddy is ever coming home. He swallows hard because he gets it now. He understands what Hawkeye was trying to tell him. She wants a moment, just a moment where she’s not his widow. It tears him up in new and fresh ways but he understands it. He sucks in a breath and asks the one thing he has to know. “Why me?”

“You’re the only one I trust who understands.” Roy nods and after sucking in another deep breath he reaches out to take her hand. Relief spreads across her face and for an instant his heart lightens because he was the one who put it there. She’s not asking for him to replace Hughes. God knows no one alive ever could. But if this one night can bring her even a moment of solace he has no choice but to give it to her. He has to believe Hughes wouldn’t kill him for that.

“I’ll see myself out.” He startles at the voice behind him because he’d forgotten Hawkeye was still here with them. A pang of guilt shoots through him at the fact someone else knows what he’s about to do but he pushes it away. This isn’t about him. This is about her and he won’t let his own guilt get in the way of giving her what she needs.

“Wait.” Gracia’s words make him look around to find Hawkeye at the door. Gracia holds out her free hand to her and Hawkeye looks at it as if it might bite her. She hesitates a moment and takes a step closer. “You told me if we came here you would stay. Please, Riza. Don’t go.”

Roy blinks and by the look on Hawkeye’s face he’s not the only one who’s lost. She looks to him then to Gracia and shifts on her feet again. “I know I said that, but now you’re here…I didn’t see the need….”

“Please stay.” Her voice is soft but surprisingly firm and Hawkeye is no more powerful to resist it than he is. She tentatively nods and he’s not surprised she’s just as nervous as he is. Gracia is asking them to cross a lot of lines they’ve both drawn in the sand for a myriad of reasons. But tonight isn’t about them. Tonight is about Gracia. 

Roy squeezes Gracia’s hand again then motions back to the library. “Why don’t I get us all drinks. We can sit down and relax for a bit.” Gracia gives him a soft smile and he doesn’t miss how eagerly Hawkeye nods.

“Yes, General. I think that would be a good idea.” 

Gracia turns an amused look to Hawkeye and smiles. “I think it might be more appropriate for you to call him Roy tonight, wouldn’t it?” There’s no missing the blush on Hawkeye’s face this time and Roy ducks his head before nodding.

“She’s right Lieu—Riza.” He swallows and forces himself to meet her eyes. “I’ll go get those drinks.” He turns and without another word walks to the kitchen. It’s one thing for him to be sucking down strong whiskey, but they deserve something better. Maybe a nice bottle of wine. He should still have some somewhere.

Roy rummages through the kitchen for longer than he has to but he needs the chance to catch his breath. He wasn’t expecting any company tonight and to be what they want him to be…he has to pull himself together. This is his most trusted subordinate and his best friend’s wife, not two random hookups. He considers taking a few more shots of whiskey but if he’s going to pull this off the way he should he can’t keep hitting the hard stuff. Roy pulls out an expensive bottle of wine he’d been saving and three glasses. He takes a deep breath and then carries everything back into the library.

They’re both sitting on the couch and as soon as he enters the room the soft chatter between them stops. He places the glasses on the small table beside the couch and opens the wine. He feels their eyes on him but he doesn’t have anything witty to say so he fills their glasses instead and hands them out. He isn’t sure where to sit so after staring down at them both for a moment he turns to sit in his armchair across from them. Hawkeye tilts her head at him but they can’t jump into this. Sure they all know why they’re here but that’s not the kind of man he is, not to mention Gracia deserves more than that. He sips his wine and sighs in relief as she speaks up first.

“This is delicious, Roy. Did you get it in the city?” He smiles at her attempt at small talk because it was more than he could even manage.

“Actually, no. I had someone bring it to me from the West. It’s not imported very much so it’s not very common in Central.” He takes another sip and spares a glance to Hawk—Riza. She’s already drank half of her glass and now she’s turning the stem of it repeatedly between two fingers. He knows exactly how she feels but he’s not going to show it. “I could try to get you a bottle if you enjoy it.”

“That would be nice.” Gracia takes another sip and then looks down at her lap where she wraps both hands around the glass. The silence stretches out between them again and it’s a painful presence. There’s no getting around what tonight is and the more they sit around, the worse it gets.

“How’s Elysia doing? Is she enjoying school?” Roy looks over to Riza and he’s relieved to see he’s not the only one trying to make this work. Gracia’s face lights up and she turns to smile at Riza. 

“She is, actually. She only started this year but she’s already made so many friends.” Gracia’s smile turns wistful and he can only imagine why. “I think she likes getting out and doing things away from home. She always enjoyed it when Maes would take her out around the city with him.” The smile falls from her face and Roy’s heart aches for there. That’s when he realizes he’s going about this the wrong way. He’s treating her like he would any other woman, waiting for her to show interest or make some type of an invitation. She’s already done that and he’s being an ass expecting her to do more.

He sets his glass of wine beside the glass of whiskey and he gets up and crosses the room. Gracia looks up and he can see the unshed tears in her eyes. He reaches down to take the glass from her hands and he sets it on the table with the wine bottle. Her eyes are wide and watching his every move and he can tell she’s looking for something to latch on to. He can give her that. He turns back to her and reaches out to cup the side of her face. He slowly draws his thumb across her cheekbone and she shivers lightly. He’s under no delusions. He knows she hasn’t been with anyone else and deep inside it twists him up he’s to be the one. But she’s still a woman, not only a widow, and she deserves to remember she’s allowed something for herself. He leans down and softly brushes his lips against hers.

Roy hears her soft intake of breath and he lightly slides his thumb across her cheek again. She trembles, even under the lightest of kisses, and he won’t rush her. He knows she could change her mind at anytime and it’s perfectly fine with him. Tonight is all about her. He moves his lips tenderly over Gracia’s and when she doesn’t pull back at all he lightly brushes her bottom lip with his tongue. She jumps and sucks in another breath at his intimate touch and this time he takes advantage of her parted lips and deepens the kiss. 

One of her hands curls around the unbuttoned edge of his shirt and he nearly gasps when the back of her thumb lightly brushes against his bare chest. He ignores the feeling it sends through him and deepens the kiss more, sweeping his tongue though her mouth as she arches up toward him. He slides his fingers back into her short hair and curls them against her scalp as she lets go and tangles her tongue with his. A kiss is a kiss all the world around and he knows when it’s done right it really doesn’t matter who’s doing the kissing, the result is still the same. His body reacts to her no matter what his mind might have to say about it. She’s kissing him back like she’s been drowning for two years and he wordlessly gives her everything she asks for.

He takes an unsteady breath when she finally pulls back to break the kiss and her hand uncurls from his shirt. Her eyes are lowered, cheeks slightly flushed and he wonders if he’s already taken things too far. He shoots a glance to Riza and it’s only then that he sees Gracia is holding her hand tightly. Apparently she did need Riza’s support in this. Riza looks up to meet his eyes with a concerned look until Gracia’s soft voice draws both their attention again. 

“Roy.” He swallows hard and turns his gaze on her again. His hand still rests on her shoulder and he tries to pull it away but she stops him with a hand on his wrist. She looks at him with eyes he can’t begin to read until her thumb moves tentatively across the inside of his wrist. “Sit down. Please?”

Roy nods and moves to sit down on her right side with Riza still on her left. Gracia’s yet to release her hand and Roy figures she likes the constant reminder she’s not alone with him. Yes, he’s a friend, and yes, she trusts him. But he’s still a man who’s not her husband and nothing is going to change that. If she needs Riza here the whole time, he’ll deal with it. Gracia lets go of his wrist once he’s beside her and she takes a shuddering breath. “Will you kiss me again?”

He nods because he still doesn’t have words for this. He reaches up to thread his fingers through her hair again. She leans into his touch and he pulls her forward to meet his waiting lips and it’s different than the first time. She’s less tentative, though far from aggressive, but she does kiss him back more fully than before. Her hand curls along the edge of his shirt again but this time she doesn’t keep it in one place. Now she runs her hand down along the opening of his shirt and her thumb glides against his skin. This time he knows this time it’s deliberate. It’s nothing but a ghost of a touch, but it’s more than willing and his body doesn’t miss everything it implies.

He scoots a little closer to her and he continues to kiss her as his fingers slip from her hair and trail lightly down the side of her neck. He rests his hand along her collarbone and draws his thumb lightly across the hollow of her throat. She shivers and as her hand fists in the fabric of his shirt he breaks the kiss to lightly kiss along her jawline. Her eyes are closed, head thrown back in invitation, and he nuzzles his cheek against hers before bringing his lips to her neck. 

“Roy…,” she whispers softly and he feels a little bit of relief spread through him. He doesn’t know if he could handle it if she were pretending he was _him_. He wouldn’t have a problem with her thinking of someone else, that’s not it, but to be taking his place in _that_ way he doesn’t think he could manage it. He kisses tenderly down the column of her neck and her fingers finally release his shirt then run through his hair. Her fingers curl in his locks, tugging him to her neck and he closes his eyes as she unknowingly caresses him in one of his most favorite ways. He hears a soft groan and he has to hope it’s not from him, though he’s afraid it is. Since he’s been moving up in the ranks he hasn’t had much time for this type of thing and his body is making itself known.

He slides his hand from her shoulder to her chest and then slowly drags it a little lower until his palm rests at the edge of her collar, right above her breasts. He pulls back from her neck and he’s surprised to meet brown eyes watching him intently. Apparently Gracia has tugged Riza closer and now has Riza’s arm wrapped around her waist. Gracia leans back against her with her head on Riza’s shoulder and Roy’s mouth goes dry being this close to his Lieutenant. His heart races at her nearness and he pushes it off as the situation. They’ve been a lot closer than this through the years and he’s never had this much of a reaction. He holds her gaze a moment longer then dips his head to kiss the hollow of Gracia’s throat as he curls his thumb in the low collar of her dress and runs it across her skin.

Gracia gasps again and he kisses down her throat and across her exposed skin as he dips his hand lower to cup one of her breasts. She arches against him and he doesn’t miss the low throaty sounds she makes. He squeezes her breast lightly and traces his fingers over her pebbled nipple as she leans back against Riza some more. Roy kisses along the tops of her breasts and moves a hand lower between them to push her dress up. He slips his hand beneath it and runs his fingers up her inner thigh as she makes another low sound of pleasure.

“Please, Roy,” she whispers huskily and he glides his hand higher as he dips his head. He brings his mouth over her breast and kisses her through the thin cotton dress. He sucks lightly at her erect nipple as his hand finds the hot juncture between her thighs and he presses his hand over the damp fabric of her panties. All he wants to do now is give her the pleasure she needs so desperately and he slips his thumb inside her waistband as he cups her with his hand. Gracia bucks against him and he traces his thumb lightly downward as he sucks harder at her hardened nipple. His other hand is still caressing and massaging her other breast and he hopes he’s still overloading her senses.

She squirms beneath him, nothing but soft gasps of pleasure and sweet moans of desire and he’s thankful for it. Her hands curl against his shoulder and pull him closer as if he might disappear. But he won’t, not until she has everything she needs. There’s a hand in his hair and it takes him a moment to realize it’s not Gracia’s softly caressing him. He turns his eyes up in surprise to see Riza’s warm brown eyes gazing down at him and it causes him to still, but only for a moment. He can’t read everything in her eyes but she’s not blaming him for this. If anything she’s silently urging him to continue. He nods slightly then runs his other hand down Gracia’s side and under her dress. He moves his hand up her smooth thigh and hooks both his thumbs in the waistband of her panties. She lifts her hips just enough and he tugs her underwear down her legs.

Roy nips lightly at her breasts then nuzzles his face between them as Gracia tightens her hands on his shoulders again. She’s panting hard and he doesn’t want her to wait any longer. She’s waited long enough. He pulls back from her and he sees her eyes open as he slips off the couch and onto his knees. Her face is a mask of desire and he pushes her legs apart as Riza shifts more behind her to hold her in her arms. He gives Gracia a silent look, one last chance to put an end to this but when all she does is whimper softly he slowly pushes her dress up her thighs and lowers his head.

“Oh, Roy pleeeease, yes,” she whispers as he draws his tongue across her moist folds. He leans forward more, hands on her thighs, and circles her clit with his tongue which immediately has her bucking against his mouth. Her nails bite his shoulders and her whole body is wound tight with a tension he needs to release. He swipes his tongue across her again then sucks lightly before lashing his tongue over her sensitive flesh repeatedly. Her hips grind up to meet his mouth and he slides his hands higher, his thumbs caressing her smooth skin. He brings one of his hands between her legs to touch and tease with his fingers and apparently that’s all it takes. Her soft cry fills the quiet room and he moves his hands to her hips to keep her still as he bathes her clit with his tongue, lightly drawing out the pleasure.

There’s a hand on his hair but when he finally looks up the touch is gone and he can’t be sure who it was from. He pulls down the hem of Gracia’s dress and he looks up at her carefully, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but she’s not looking at him at all. She’s looking at Riza and he can’t read whatever silent communication is going on between them. He sits back on his heels and assumes the night is probably over. He reaches down to and attempts to adjust himself as casually as possibly. He’s fine this is over but it doesn’t mean his body has gotten the message.

He jerks his head up when Garcia clears her throat and now he starts to feel uncomfortable. Thankfully he’s still wearing his military trousers which actually do a fair job of covering up awkward situations like this. He swallows as he looks between them and sees Gracia is still holding Riza’s hand though right now it doesn’t so much look like it’s for support. If anything it almost seems like she’s trying to make sure Riza doesn’t go anywhere. What else is going on here?

“Roy, can we….” Gracia looks toward the door of the library and he’s not sure what she’s asking. He honestly thought this would be over and she’d be ready to go back home. But if she needs more, he’ll give it. He waits until she looks at him again and her words still take him by surprise. “Can we take this upstairs?”

He stares at her dumbly for a moment then nods still not trusting his words. He moves to his feet as the women do the same and Gracia reaches out to take his hand, her other still laced with Riza’s. He nods again then leads them out of the library and up the stairs. He takes them into his bedroom and he’s glad he bothered to clean up. He doesn’t need either of them to see what a messy bachelor he usually is. Gracia squeezes his hand as he reaches the foot of the bed and to his surprise she tugs Riza closer.

“Can she be part of this too?” His eyes widen because of all the things he expected her to say, that wasn’t one of them. Gracia looks at him expectantly and he knows without a doubt there’s only one answer she’s expecting from him and he can’t bring himself to deny her. He already promised her the night and if Riza is willing for this to happen he doesn’t see how he can say no.

“Ok,” he whispers softly then turns his eyes to look at Riza. He sucks in a breath as she takes a step closer and in this moment she’s as beautiful as he’s ever seen her. Her long hair cascades over her shoulders and her white button down shirt hugs her curves in ways that accentuate her figure instead of hiding it. The moonlight coming through the windows washes out her complexion, but not in a bad way. Instead it makes her skin look almost porcelain and softens all the edges of this woman he knows is strong as iron. If he’s honest with himself, she takes his breath away.

Riza reaches out with an unsteady hand and he forces himself to remain motionless when she carefully undoes the remaining buttons on his shirt. He can’t look away from her even as Gracia pushes the shirt over his shoulders. Any pretense he had of pushing away his desire are gone as he shifts at the tightness in his pants. He wanted to try and be the gentleman through all of this but with what he’s being offered he knows he can’t resist. He’s disciplined for sure, but he’s no saint.

Soft hands are at his back, urging him forward and he doesn’t fight them. Riza still gazes into his eyes with her beautiful brown ones and he finds himself reaching out to her without any conscious thought whatsoever. He places his hands on her hips then skims them up her sides, brushing against the sides of her breasts and there’s a painful throb in his groin as she inhales a sharp breath. How many times has he not allowed himself to ever think of her this way? It wasn’t an option, but now that she’s here in front of him he can’t seem to stop himself. 

Roy reaches out for her suddenly and pulls her close against him. He tilts his head and buries his face against her neck as his arms slide around her. He hears her shuddery breath against his ear and he stifles a low moan against her neck. Just knowing whose breath it is is more than enough to drive him to distraction. He places soft kisses down the column of her throat and his desire swells as she trembles in his arms. Part of him is telling himself he should feel guilty for taking advantage of her this way but the rest of him doesn’t care. Right now he needs this moment as bad as Gracia needs to forget.

Both Riza’s hands run though and lightly tug at his hair. The low growly sound he makes in response should make him ashamed, but he can’t help it and he doesn’t care. Not right now. He sucks lightly at the base of her neck then forces himself to pull back so he can look at her and once again she takes his breath. Her eyes are wide and dark with desire he realizes is all because of him. Her cheeks are lightly flushed but not with embarrassment or shame. No, he knows sheer want and need when he sees it and that’s all that’s written on her face. He moves his hands between them to slowly unbutton her shirt, and damn bastard he is he has to look down to see her rising and falling bosom as he slowly uncovers it. Havoc isn’t the only one who appreciates a beautiful woman’s breasts. 

Roy brings his hands up to cup her through her bra and she trembles hard as he brushes his thumbs across her nipples. Her lips part and he doesn’t care how weak he is anymore. He leans forward and buries his face in her cleavage, kissing her warm skin as his arms wrap around her again. Her hand’s at the back of his neck, holding him to her chest and he can’t hold back the moan slipping from his lips. He tightens his arms around her as she strokes his hair softly and he doesn’t think. He can’t. All he can do is act. He pulls back to look into her eyes filled with longing and this time he kisses her lips, but not with the same gentle touch he used with Gracia. This is hungry and needy and something she returns with a fire equal to his own.

He kisses her deeply as he strips her shirt off and lets it fall to the floor behind her. Her nearly bare chest presses up against him and his body throbs painfully for more. He wants her, but it’s not just them here. This isn’t even why he’s doing this and he forces himself to pull back even as he’s gasping for breath. The scent of her fills his senses and he briefly closes his eyes as she wraps her arms around him and presses herself against him. Roy runs his hand over her hair as he opens his eyes and looks around to find Gracia. He doesn’t see her but then there’s the same soft hand on his back.

“Don’t stop, Roy. No one is asking you to stop.” Gracia’s hand runs down his back and he nods, inwardly thanking her with words he can’t voice. He doesn’t understand why she’s doing this but right now he can’t find it within himself to question her. 

Roy pulls back, only a fraction, and he turns Riza’s head up to look at him with his finger under her chin. Her eyes are still wide and dark with want but he needs to hear it from her lips. Getting lost in passion is one thing and he’s been its slave more than once in his life. But this is Hawkeye, his Lieutenant, and he won’t take advantage of her no matter who wants it to happen. He traces his thumb along the edge of her jaw and she turns into his touch as if it were a lifeline she can’t bear to let go. He swallows then takes a breath before speaking softly. “Riza, do you want this?”

His heart nearly stops in the silence before she answers him and he’s afraid of what her answer will be. Her body is still molded against him but it’s not the approval of her body he seeks. He needs the answer from her mind and if she turns him away now he doesn’t think he will ever forgive himself for losing this chance. But he knows he’d hate himself all the more if he acted first and asked questions later. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips and he bites back a groan at the sight. He holds his breath as she takes one of her own and his arms tighten around her in preparation of her pulling away.

“Yes, Roy. Please, I do want this.” He lets out his breath in a soft rush of air and then dips his head down to taste her lips again. She tastes different than he ever imagined, not that he would ever admit to imagining this at all. She’s softer, sweeter than he thought she’d be and he finally sees the beautiful woman under the hard exterior of the Hawk. Now he wonders what she’ll sees when she looks at him now.

Roy breaks the kiss again then after gazing into her eyes once more he leans down and sweeps her off her feet with one arm under her legs and one around her back. She gasps but winds her arms around his neck anyway and her soft lips kiss their way down his neck and along his collar bone. He carries her over to the bed and lays her down carefully as if she were the most precious thing in the world and right now she just might be. He looks longingly over her body for a moment and then he looks around to find Gracia. She’s a few steps behind him and he holds out his hand to her and draws her closer so she can lay down on the bed too if she likes. She gives him a smile and settles herself at the head of the bed before making a motion for him to continue on as if she weren’t even there.

He turns all his attention back to Riza and he runs his hands up her thighs. She’s trembling again and he smiles down at her as he unfastens her pants and pulls down the zipper. The sight of her so wanton with need makes his pulse race and his are actually shaking. She’s gorgeous. There’s just no other word for it. He leans over her beautiful body to kiss her smooth stomach and she lifts her hips as he pulls down her pants. He dips his tongue in her navel and the sound she makes goes straight to his groin. His entire body is throbbing with want. He needs her. Now.

Roy kneels at the end of the bed and quickly removes her shoes and socks and then tugs her pants off to add to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. He runs his hands up her legs, starting from her ankles and he kisses up one of her thighs until he feels her hands on him. She’s pushing at his shoulders and he frowns, did she change her mind? How is he ever going to look at her the same way again if she has? He stands up straight as she sits up and his body aches with the thought of losing her now, but to his surprise she doesn’t tell him to stop. Instead her hands are sliding up his thighs and before he knows what’s happening she’s rubbing him through the rough fabric of his trousers.

“Ahhh, Hawkeye.” He tilts his head back and he grits his teeth at the pleasure burning through him at her touch. All night long it’s been about nothing but them and now that the tables are turned he’s going to combust as surely as if he were to snap his gloved fingers. His body shudders hard as she unfastens his pants and before he knows it she’s pushing them down along with his boxers until he’s standing naked before her. His eyes go wide when her hand wraps around him and he can’t stop the low, rumbly groan in his chest.

“I thought you said it was, Riza tonight.” He looks down to see a superior smirk on her face he’s seen a hundred times before but never like this. No, never even in the dreams he let slip by did he ever see her open her mouth and wrap her lips around his cock like this. He gasps for breath as she sucks him deeper and swirls her tongue around his head. His hands are in her hair before he can help himself and she obliges by taking him even more of him down her throat. His legs tremble as she pulls back slow and then takes him down again, sweet wet heat sliding over his flesh and driving him nearly out of his mind. His breaths come hard and fast before he realizes it and he knows he has to make her stop before this is over way too soon. He moves his hands to her shoulders and lightly pushes her back.

Riza understands without words and as she pulls back again she tongues his tip once more and strokes him with her hand a few more times before laying back on the bed. Roy struggles to catch his breath and he grows even harder than he thought possible as he rakes his eyes over her body. She’s wearing nothing but simple white panties and a matching bra but to him she could be decked out in the finest silks and it wouldn’t make a difference. She’s absolutely beautiful and he absolutely has to have her. He leans down over her again and kisses her hard, holding nothing back. Her hands move over him frantically, grabbing and touching and he’s no different as he reaches around her to undo her bra. He pulls it away in one motion then dips his head down to suck one perfect breast in his mouth.

“Oh, Rooooy, yes,” she cries out and this time it isn’t a soft whisper or a hushed moan. It’s a full throaty cry of passion and the sound has him reaching down to strip her out of her panties. He needs her and he needs her now. He lashes her nipple with his tongue and then nips at it lightly with his teeth which has her bucking underneath him with desire. Her nails scratch at his shoulders and he can’t hold back anymore. Neither of them can.

He pulls away, his body burning with lust and he hardly makes it to his feet. Riza whimpers as he hurries over to the night stand to pull out a condom. He walks back to the end of the bed and she grabs the condom out of his hand. She opens it with the precision he’s come to adore from her and then slowly unrolls it over his aching cock. Now it’s his turn to groan loudly at her lingering touch and once she has it all the way on she scoots up the bed and he follows her eagerly. He crawls between her spread legs and he looks down into her eyes as he slowly pushes inside her. 

“Riza, yessssss,” he moans low and he doesn’t miss the pleased light in her eyes as he finally calls her by her first name. She wraps one leg around him and he moves his hands to the sides of her head as he slides in all the way. Her body’s hot and tight and better than he ever remembers having before. He gazes down and he can barely breathe at the depth of emotion he sees in her eyes. How many years have they danced around this and will they continue to do so after tonight? He pushes the thoughts from his mind and rocks his hips slowly as he pushes in and out of her. She reaches up and threads one hand in his hair and he leans into her touch until she pulls him down for another kiss.

Her kiss is hot and tender and he loses himself to it and the pulsing rhythm of his thrusts. She arches against him, her body a magnet to his own as she meets him in every stroke. Right now he wants this moment to go on forever but he already knows it will end way too soon. He slips a hand between then to fondle one of her breasts and she presses up against his hand, seeking every bit of his touch. He slides his thumb over her nipple and rolls it between his fingers before running his hand down the side of her body. He needs to see her come undone. Her hands clutch at his shoulders, holding tight as she bucks up against him and he moves his hand between them so he can rub his thumb over her clit. She breaks the kiss as soon as he does and her eyes go wide, mouth parted in a silent scream before she shatters around him and calls his name. She spasms around him and he thrusts into her sharply several more times before he’s careening over the edge after her.

The first thing he’s aware of is the sound of her breathing against his ear. He feels her hand run slowly down his sweaty back and as he kisses her neck he tastes the salt of her skin. The scent of her is completely intoxicating and he nuzzles his face against her shoulder. He doesn’t want to let go, but as reality creeps back in he knows he has to and reluctantly rocks his hips back and pulls out of her. She sighs softly at the loss as she lets her hand fall away he wonders, was this really about them or just the situation? He kisses her cheek before rolling off of her and he has no idea how to act now. He removes the condom, tosses it in the waste bin then crawls back onto the bed. He doesn’t want to overstep his bounds so instead of reaching for her he rolls onto his back between her and Gracia who still sits at the head of the bed.

He closes his eyes as his body cools and he feels Gracia shift on the bed beside him. That’s when it occurs to him the night may not be over. Surely she didn’t ask to come upstairs for him to just be with Riza, even though for some reason she pushed things in that direction. His mind spins in confusion and he doesn’t open his eyes yet. He still wants to bask in the moment he had with Riza even though it would be better if she still were closer. But he can’t go there. All this time they’ve never gone this far and now….

A hand brushes over his and when he opens his eyes he sees Gracia reaching across him to tug Riza closer. Riza looks up and they both watch as Gracia laces their fingers together. Roy looks at Gracia curiously because this isn’t what tonight was supposed to be about. He was supposed to be helping her forget and right now he’s failing miserably. So, why does she look so happy?

“If there’s one thing I learned from Maes, it’s that you have to live every day like it’s precious.” She rests her hand over his and Riza’s interlocked ones. “He always did that, never taking anything for granted no matter if it was me, or Elysia or his friends.” Gracia smiles down and that’s when Roy understands. This night wasn’t just about sex and drowning misery. It was about Gracia trying to help two people find happiness in her own way. He has no doubt Hughes would be impressed she finally managed to do what he never could. Roy smiles to himself, glances at Riza and wonders how much of this she knew about, but from the look on her face she’s as surprised as he is.

“Gracia….” He doesn’t even know what to say. He did want to make her happy tonight and right now he feels like she was the one trying to heal his wounds. “I didn’t mean to, I mean, I know you came here for….”

“Relax, Roy.” She squeezes his and Riza’s hands and smiles at them both. “Believe me, you helped more than you know.” She looks between them and her smile turns into a stern look and for a moment he feels like he’s been caught doing something wrong. “Now I think it’s time the two of you started listening to him.” She arches an eyebrow and he ducks his head. He hardly knows what to say to either of them so he just nods.

“I’m going to go home to, Elysia.” Gracia slips off the bed and casts a glance back their direction and tells them softly. “Sometimes you really do have to live in the present because you never know…when it might be gone.” She’s gives them both another soft smile then slips out of the bedroom and as soon as she does, Roy doesn’t have a clue what to do.

Riza squeezes his hand and he slowly turns his head to meet her unwavering deep brown eyes. He squeezes her hand back because he doesn’t know what to say. He never doubted they would have chemistry together, but it was a line he’d never planned on crossing. But now they have he can’t remember what all his reasons against it were. He runs his thumb across the back of her hand and he finally asks softly, “Did you know about all this?”

Riza shakes her head and scoots closer to him. “No, but I’m probably a little at fault. When we met up we started talking and I think somehow she could’ve gotten the impression I…might be interested.” Riza ducks her head and Roy lets go of her hand so he can turn her head up to look at him with a finger under her chin. He smiles and instead of answering he leans forward and kisses her softly. She makes a soft sound of surprise and he wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her against him before finally breaking the kiss.

“I’m not sorry,” he tells her softly and runs his hand down her back. She rests her head on his chest and he kisses the top of it. It’s obvious she’s content right now but there’s one thing he needs to know. He strokes his hand over her long hair and murmurs to her softly, “Are you?”

She doesn’t answer and he’s afraid he’s misread everything. Maybe it was all Gracia’s wishful thinking, but then Riza slides her hand across his stomach and laces their fingers together again. She lifts her head to meet his eyes and the smile on her face melts his heart in an instant. “Don’t be an idiot, Roy.” Her smile grows as she squeezes his hand. “I’d really hate to have to shoot you.”

Roy laughs softly and tightens his arm around her as she rests her head on his chest again. “Can’t have that, can we, Riza? Whose ass would you protect then?” Her soft laugh warms him inside in a way he doesn’t expect and he knows he will never look at this day the same again. His hand stills on Riza’s back and his eyes widen. Now he understands.

“What is it?” Riza lifts her head again and he easily reads the worry in her eyes.

“It’s nothing, I just think I know why she did this.” Riza looks at him curiously and he reaches up to trace the line of her jaw with his fingertips. “I know, I for one, will never look at this day the same.” Her eyes widen at his words and she nods before resting her head against him again. Her arm wraps around his waist and he closes his eyes, content and happy in a way he never remembers being. A smile spreads across his lips as he drifts toward sleep and one thought echoes in his mind. It turns out Maes knew what he was talking about after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated. :-)


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